Random Groupings of Words |
The inconsistently written ramblings of a man called Fajitas (@ajitfoldsfive) |
I keep reading twitter post after twitter post and review after review about how awesome the new Star Trek movie was. Really? Awesome? I saw it in IMAX, which was definitely the way to go. And there were some parts to it that were impressive to be sure. But I want to make it clear that the movie was not awesome.
I’m not going to break it down scene-by-scene or give you the blow-by-blow, but there are a few principles that keep a movie from being awesome, and this movie had ‘em. So let’s review a couple, shall we?
1. It is not okay to use a plot trick such as faking illness to get someone onto a starship. I don’t care how bad you need that character on that starship, come up with something less trite.
2. You cannot get your interns/students into battle with Romulans by claiming all the other ships are “tied up” elsewhere in an awesome movie. Proper motive must still be established.
3. More credit must be given to time travel than it just being something that happened and now we have to deal with the effects of it.
4. Having the baby on a starship while dad gives up his life because “it’s the only way.” JJ, you seriously take middle America for the saps that we are. good god, we are saps.
5. You can’t throw a cheeseball Ahura <3 Spock scam in there knowing that no such plot line ever existed in the original Star Trek. Leonard, can I get a “that would be illogical?”! Come on! You were on set!
6. And don’t even get me started on “Why didn’t you put me on that ship?” “I didn’t want to show favoritism.” “Well, I’m going on the Enterprise.” “*sigh*” So who get’s reassigned to the other ship? Are they just a main crew member down? Is this a way to make official Starfleet decisions? Not in an awesome movie, it’s not.
Like I said, there’s a ton more. I just wanted to point out a few key plot points that keep this from being an awesome movie. Even still, I loved the ships, and the new look of the Enterprise. I wish the acting was better in general. I kinda liked the Romulan drill. And the sound during pretty much the entire movie rocked.
My analysis. Please feel free to point out the 1,000 others that I missed. :P
7. You can’t allow any character to wear Eddie Murphy Meet The Klumps prosthetic hands in a movie that treats time travel as a serious plot device. (submitted by Lawrence Crumpton.) This is so true. No director of awesome movies should be able to say this phrase about his movie: “Science-based sci-fi time travel plot device— check. Nutty Professor-style humor moment— check.”